22. The Horizon

For those who follow me on social media, this will come as repeat news. It has taken me a few days to make it over to the blog for an update. 

The very excellent news is that I have been admitted to VCU’s Ph.D. in Education Leadership, Policy, and Justice. It is one of two programs I applied to. Last year, on the same day that my brother died, I received the news that my application to a similar program had been denied. I didn’t know if I had it in me to reapply, especially with so much uncertainty on the horizon, but with the encouragement of a professor I collaborated with in the Fall, I decided to give it a shot. 

I’ve shared so much of my childhood and the experiences of last year but very little of the elements that comprised my life prior to last January. During my second year as a teacher, I heard an incredible episode of This American Life. It highlighted the incredible racial inequity that still exists in our school systems and ignited something inside of me. I began to explore the topic more, eventually launching a social justice class for my own students. I also became heavily involved with Teachers in the Movement and Teaching Tolerance. Last fall, I volunteered with a team at UVA to create multicultural curriculum resources for teachers as an extension of Teaching Tolerance. It was an awesome opportunity and has opened more doors in that direction. The conviction that I can have a greater impact on education from outside the classroom has been slowly simmering over the past few years.  

While I am incredibly excited to have been admitted, attendance is not a sure thing just yet. The school’s funding has been greatly impacted by COVID. I won’t know until April whether I will be selected for an Assistantship, which will provide a stipend and tuition coverage. There are only three slots available, so it’s competitive. 

I spent much of last week feeling a bit disoriented, unsure of how I should be using my time. Do I still look for work in case I’m not granted the assistantship? Do I change the kind of work I’m looking for in case I am? (Sidebar: it baffles and amazes me that I still haven’t found employment. I have to believe there is a reason for it, that this time is meant for something. Otherwise, I will go absolutely batty thinking about it.) Do I use this time to write until the next step is clear? Hypothetically, I could finish my book in the next eight weeks...

A little bit of both? 

Those unknowns aside, the last few weeks have been absolutely incredible. I have so much gratitude simply to be at home with my daughter, settled into a routine. Our days, devoid of the constant pressure and busyness of life, have been so damn enjoyable. It is a rare opportunity to be fully present in each moment. I feel myself learning a new calm, a new way of existing. To cook and clean, to sleep, write, walk, learn. To parent without all the other external demands. This all feels new. It is so life-giving. So healing. 

I will update as soon as I know more on the school front.